Title

So...nobody is probably gonna read this, but I'm just getting so sick of everything right now. I mean, a lot of times I just wish Jesus would come already and get me and everyone out of here, it'd be a ton easier than having to go through all these tough times. I mean..wouldn't it? Is it really worth it to go through all the "good times of laughter and bad times of sorrow" and that crap? I wish someone could give me a straight true answer (older people respond here please). I get let down so many times in so many ways and I seem to get opposition in so many different ways.
There have been several people who have told me and implied a lot in many ways that I'm gonna fail, that I won't make it in the real world (apparently cause i don't like doing homework...anyone else like doing homework??). For a lot of my life I believed that even though I was determined to prove everyone wrong. They've also said that I won't be able to make it in firefighting...thanks! What sucks is there have been certain others who have said similar, mostly cause of my "hearing problem". At least my firefighting teacher says otherwise...or so he says.
Sometimes I just feel like I should settle for average, live paycheck to paycheck, forget school, I'll just be stuck at walmart for the rest of my life...man that scares the crap out of me. though I'm still determined to prove people wrong (insert Michael Jordan HOF speech here), it's not fun or easy.
I feel like I can be a really crappy friend to the few friends I do have, and it sucks, and I feel like I ruin things with the people that i could have been friends with. I've always been very honestly straightforward with the close friends I have, and they hate that about me, and I hate it about me too. But at the same time, I wish they would do the same for me, or at least act like they care, cause honestly it seems like my coworkers at walmart sometimes seem like they care more about what's going on if I'm having a tough time.
All i said at work tonight was "man i'm having a crappy night...thus all the sugar food" and immediately my coworker Drew asked me what was up and let me talk and then him and several other coworkers made me feel better for the night...it's a rare occasion when a friend outside of work does that for me save for maybe one or two friend. It just seems like I have some friends...but they don't seem interested. I don't know...I mean, am I wrong here?
I'm tired of being let down, I'm tired of trying to plan or work out my future. I'm tired of looking, I'm tired of being ignored, I mean, no one even reads this to see how the hell I'm feeling. Honestly the only reason I have this whole thing is cause i need something to vent or write my thoughts on, I only wish i could say smart or quippy things and be really funny like other people.
I hate saying me or I, but don't I deserve someone to listen to how I'm feeling and actually care if I'm having a really tough day? It doesn't take much to cheer most people up and I'm one of them (seriously...all it took was some SEVENGLORY, coworkers, and a bible verse to cheer me up nice and happy for the night). I thank God every chance i get for my mom cause she listens and tells it to me straight even if I'm wrong she will tell me. Like I said, i feel like a selfish idiot jerk for merely saying can't someone care about how I feel here? I want a friend who will be totally honest with me when I'm having problems and tell me as it is and as they see it without pussyfooting around it, or worse, letting it out on me when I do something to piss them off.
Maybe...i just need to rely on God more, I wish i could be totally crush-free (like I said...tired of being let down and all that jazz), that I could be worry-free (will I get a real job someday or own a house and have kids will I be able to provide for them), that I could just completely trust in His plan for my life, that I would know in my heart He's going to take care of me. Sure...I'd like to go ahead and be a firefighter with a wife and house at this moment, but I need to trust that He will take care of me no matter what happens. I might never get married, which is scary for me to think (this is a huge fear of mine...no doubt). I might not be a firefighter, which would SUCK but not a huge fear of mine, or I might even die on the job, which strangely isn't a fear of mine either, maybe cause I know where I'm going.
I had a fight with my best friend last night, honestly I don't blame him, it was another moment of me being very very honest and straightforward telling it how I saw it, it's a flaw of mine i know. I feel like I ruin things with people by trying to be who I am, that I drive the girls I have crushes on away by being a retard (don't ever say that it'd be interesting and/or funny to see someone get a seizure while watching fireworks...that does no good and does NOT seem funny to the girl...heck I don't even think it's funny..). Honestly the whole "I'd rather be hated for who I am rather than loved for who I am not" thing seems like crap sometimes. But I fight it and I continue to be who I am even when others don't like it.
I wish I could get all the answers right now, see what happens in the future and find out if all of this will be worth it in the end, but I'm forced to trust in God, and honestly, that's alright, I may not be the perfect Christian or perfectly like Christ, but I'm trying, I'm working at it, I'm putting it all in God's hands, I'm working at fully trusting God and that He will take care of me and bring me happiness, whether that be in the near future (which of course will ALWAYS be times of ups and downs happiness and sorrow etc etc) or not until I die and I'm sitting next to Christ listening to Him tell stories and words of wisdom.
Oh and that verse that helped me feel a lot better at work? 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 "We are hard-pressed, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body"

It's that time of the year again

The windows are open
Car windows only halfway down
Hoodies are part of our attire
Busting out the comforter
Showers grow warmer and colder to step out of
And opening the bathroom door is even colder
Smell of trees and their leaves
Pumpkin lattes, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin everything
Sadly the allergies come with stuffed noses
But the sierra mist cranberry splash makes its way onto shelves!!
Halloween decorations appear on lawns
And sometimes Christmas decor too!
This is my cheesy fall poem
I hoped you liked it haha