my classes

So I'm back at dreaded CLC, however, this time I actually have a goal in mind! I decided back in November that I want to pursue firefighting/EMT. But before I start the fun classes I still have a few classes i need to get out of the way, those classes include communications, political science and local government, computers class, and a science or math elective. I'm waiting til next semester to do the science class, but the other three is going on right now.
First class is communications, which i am dreading because I HATE talking in front of people, heck I almost hate writing a blog (but I feel it's a good outlet/outreach). The good thing is my teacher will be easy and she's very funny...but that's about it. I don't know a single person except for a friend's ex boyfriend who I never talk to and the class is a decent size which means more people to talk in front of and embarrass myself in front of. And the best part of the class, I will be filmed and recorded which means I will get to experience the joy of watching my red as blood face in front of the class. But I do feel maybe this class is yet another way to share my faith. I pray that I'll be able to touch at least one persons heart in the class. But still...I'm not exactly looking forward to this class.
Second class up is intro to computers. Why this class is required for fire science I will never know, I mean you can't exactly save a person from a burning building by using microsoft words...can you? Unless they figured out how to stop a fire by using powerpoint. Anyways, the teacher seems like it's gonna be a tough one. Not fun. But at least the assignments are all on the computer which I'm pretty decent at, and I have lots of computer nerd friends so let's see how this one pans out.
And finally is American and local governments. I was five minutes late because it took forever to get there from the library (not gonna lie...I was on the computer distracted by news in the sports world...and facebook) and the teacher points me out as I walk in and tells me class starts at 11. That was fun. And I actually mean that, is that weird? Anyways, this guy has a deep Indian/middle east accent, I wonder if this counts as ironic, a teacher teaching American politics when he's from a different country that has a completely different government. Maybe that's how much he idolized America growing up. This also reminds me of 8th grade when my English teacher most definitely did not speak English as a first language (I feel bad for what I put that woman through). From what I hear about this guy, show up and take the notes and you're golden. So let's hope he doesn't continue to hate me this semester.

Update!: Turns out...the govt class I walked into was the WRONG ONE! Yeah that was fun! So I showed up for that class an hour late with a teacher mad at me for no reason...how did I find out it was the wrong class? I waited on Wednesday for that class at 11, actually got there 10 minutes early so I could show him up, and 30 minutes later no student walked in or out and there were still students in the classroom. So I went home thinking ok this teacher is retarded. Then I started thinking about it and decided to look online to see what room my class is in, well I got the room right...just not the time. It starts at 11:30, how dumb am I. And the best part about it is, I could have looked on the curriculum for that class and saw that the time for the class was 10-11:15...that was nice.

So

So I was gonna write a 3 or 4 paragraph long thing about this, but I didn't wanna be taken out of context or sound like I'm self righteous or anything...so I'm just gonna really simply say this, why is it so hard sometimes to surround myself with a group of christian friends...I'm getting kind of tired of being forgotten or put on the back burner...we're supposed to be a family and help each other out

Proactive

So i've been reading this book called Forgotten God by francis chan and it's about remembering how important the Holy Spirit is and how we have to rely on Him to work in our lives. We have to trust that the Holy Spirit will work through us to do great things.
And one of the big challenges in this is taking risks or doing things that you have to absolutely trust in God for. And i thought long and hard for a long time about if there is anything i've ever done where i had to completely trust in God, and there wasn't much that came to mind. Needless to say it made me sad.
I want to do things so i can trust Him better. Trust Him completely. so i've been brainstorming something i can do that wouldn't be easy whether it's not easy for me financially, time wise, or whatever, i wanted to do something that would challenge me.
I come home a lot during my lunch hour and so on my way home for food i thought "know what, i'm gonna sponser a kid". 5 minutes after i get home i now sponsor a kid name Abenezer Daniel from ethiopia. The website said that he has been on the waiting list for over six months and i just felt like he needed someone, he's only 6.
I don't know why this would be considered a challenge to me but i'm glad i did this. I just pray that i can make a difference in him and his family's lives and vice versa. I'm excited to see how this all pans out and hopefully maybe i can even visit someday...
This is only one thing i can do out of so many and i don't plan on stopping anytime soon. I hope all of you guys can also do something like this, whether it's sponsor a kid or help out at soup kitchen or whatever, i just hope you guys will let the Holy Spirit lead you to be proactive.
Aaaaaaaand any prayer would be nice!

all out

This is a writing i wrote a couple weeks ago. It started out as a prayer so i guess it's a prayer/personal psalm. I think i already mentioned that a couple weeks ago was a rough spot cause of some personal issues i had to deal with at home and basically this writing is how i'm desperate for more of God in my life and his guidance even when i have a hard time "feeling" Him or understanding His grace. I don't think i'm quite done writing this one though so it'll probably be added onto a bit..

God
bring me closer to You
let me feel Your presence always
let me understand just how amazing
Your grace is
I already know the costs of my sins
and the shame that comes with it
but let me always be in awe
of Your salvation for us
show me Your love
show me Your blessings
so i can even get a glimpse of Your glory
let me understand why they call You savior
show me why You are called shepherd
my God i'd die for You
whether You would acknowledge me or not
because You and only You deserve that glory
when i proclaim your grace
let Your Spirit fill me with the words to say
fill me with Your love
make me illuminate in the darkness
light up the paths of sorrow
to lead to everlasting life with You
Lord i give You praise forever

first lyrics

i had a hard time picking a good first one to put up...ultimately i decided on this one cause...i have no idea haha. i think it's one of the better ones i've written, i'm not a great writer but it's nice getting stuff out...

My soul longs for you
I will glorify
my flesh is dead to me
and now I'm alive
I was lost in this sickness
that was killing me recklessly and mercilessly
the knowledge that brought me sorrow
knowing that we're nothing
but a breath of wind passing by
now I have purpose
something worth living for
all eyes upon you
I will worship you
all these bricks and frames
will fall and burn
and every second of the day
goes wasted somewhere
so what's the point
but to spend it all on something
something worth dying for
every second I live
I will glorify you
everything I do is for no one
but you

i wrote this i think right before i left for arizona, at the time i was anxious to leave and just escape from everything, i'm glad i went to arizona and got to see family for once but i think i did it for the wrong reasons. i thought going there would be a new start and a way to "live life right" and i blamed this place on my shortcomings. now i look back and realize that it doesn't matter where i live, i should be on fire for God anyways. location does not matter, that's a big i learned soon after i got home and things have happened that changed a lot of things in my life, and ever since then i've been burning brighter than i ever have, though the last week and a half have been really tough cause of personal issues and whatnot i'm still going stronger than ever and there's still tons of rooms for me to better that's for sure..

first entry...

I used to hold back a lot on who I am and just play quiet and not really let people really get to know me outside of generals about me. Most of the stuff i write about on here will more than likely be stuff about my faith and what's going on in life and how I'm dealing with it. I used to talk a lot of politics but don't count on me writing about it at all. Oh and I tend to say a ton of stupid things...and I mean stupid lol i should do stand up with all the dumb things I say. A lot has happened since I got home from Arizona that made me start trying harder to live on fire for God, and I can say that I've been better than ever but there is definitely room for improvement. I used to write a lot of songs about life and how it ties into faith/religion and the things I struggled with so it will help me kind of get it out instead of being this secretive person. I hope people actually read this once in a blue moon so we'll see haha. I'm gonna mostly post older stuff I wrote and kind of reflect on it I guess. I haven't written much in the last few months but I'm kind of trying to start again, I don't plan on doing music or anything but it's a nice way to get thoughts out I guess. Let me know what you think!