Who I am hates who I've been...and still does sometimes

If there's anything I've struggled with, like millions of others in America, it's that I don't like myself sometimes. At all. Most people have something, or several things, about themselves they don't like. It could be weight, intelligence, looks, disability, and for myself I've always had a problem with my hearing problem and that's affected me a lot. It's been tough for me being a muggle, not hearing...but not totally deaf either. That definitely hit my self esteem to the point where I couldn't even accept it until last year. It's sad that there are so many people, even the best looking, struggling with this sort of problem.
I was reading 1st John and I spent a good 2 hours on chapters 3 and 4. So many thoughts and questions came to my head, easily one of the best experiences I've had in reading my bible. In that section he spends a lot of time talking about love, and how important it is to show love and be love. It's so important that he says "anyone who does not love remains in death". That's pretty powerful right there. And in Matthew, Jesus describes love and says "love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and all your mind...and the second is...'Love your neighbor as yourself".
Catch that last part? "Love your neighbor as yourself". There's two things I get from the two chapters in 1st John and this verse. The first thing was how to love, and everyone knows the famous 1st Corinthians 13 passage that describes what love is, and it's more than just saying I love everyone. It's living it! John talks about if you see your brother in need but have no pity and you don't do anything to help how can there be any love in you. There's so many ways to love and I firmly believe love is more than a feeling, if it even is at all; it's a verb. It's showing love to everyone who comes your way in life, there's no room for hate in love. If God loves everyone despite how broken and evil we are, what's our excuse for not loving anyone? I just don't know how else I can put it other than that we all, Christian or not, need to show kindness, compassion, and love to everyone.
The second part which really made me think last night for some reason was can I show love and be love if I have a hard time doing it for myself and really loving myself as well? Now I don't exactly hate myself anymore, but sometimes, sometimes too much depending on how life is going, I just don't like myself. Every think maybe that's how it should be? You could say "at least it means I'm humble and not prideful". But is it? I'm definitely not talking ego "I'm so freakin amazing and nice and I'm this super awesome good person", more of a "I'm a creation and tool of God that He's using to do good". We all get that pride at one point or another, it's something everyone feels, it's just our human nature.
Maybe not loving ourselves is a problem just as bad as not loving others. We should, in my opinion, strive to put others in front of ourselves. But can you love others and not yourself? Think about it...you...are a creation of our amazing God. He made you and put you together with his hands and even knew you before the world even existed! Scripture clearly states that. How could we not appreciate and love what God has made and is doing with us? We SHOULD love ourselves! I think people get the misconception that loving ourselves has to mean an ego kind of love when I really don't think it means that whatsoever. We're supposed to love others as ourselves, Jesus seems to make that clear, accept yourself for who you are.
I don't think most people would admit it when they don't like themselves, but it's definitely no secret that more than enough people struggle with self esteem and self worth feelings. It's something I will probably struggle with still, though that feeling goes away more and more over time. But I realize I'm a personal creation of God who has created stars and planets, and so is every person who's lived. I think that's pretty awesome. Christian or not, we should all strive to love each other and accept ourselves for who we are. This will probably be the corniest thing I will ever say...but to quote bruno mars "you're beautiful just the way you are". Haha, but it's true. Don't hold yourself back from being the potential of what you can be!

I wish I could come up with a witty title but

I was thinking about how bitter I used to be. I was plain miserable, never saw anything good in any day. Every day was just a chore to get through. I still feel that way once in a while when I get overwhelmed. The first thing that really helped me get through each day was a verse in Matthew, verse 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own". We just gotta focus on the task at hand and let God worry about His own plan. Think about it, why worry so much about something God has planned for us already? He's taking care of us, and I trust that for good or bad I have NOTHING to worry about. That helped me a lot in being more optimistic and well...happy!
Another thing that's helped me lately, and it was sort of a challenge from an amazing guy I look up to so much. I had a pretty good heart to heart conversation with him a couple weeks ago and he brought up that I should try to detect God moments. A moment in which I can see God working. It's sort of new for me, so I forget sometimes. But I try to think about a moment in which I felt it clear God was working to remind me that He still cares. I'm not gonna lie, some days I don't think of one, but maybe I just don't recognize them yet. But usually I find something and it really lifts my spirit high.
There's a lot of factors on why I'm so much more optimistic than I was a few years ago but these help. I think taking the time to think about how God is working in all of our lives is an important part of our faith. My faith gets stronger when I can feel God moving, and being able to see His work. Maybe it works for some people maybe it doesn't for others. But it's worth a try. Try looking for God moments in each of our days and see how He's working around us. You never know what you'll find.