So i got a flat tire yesterday on the way to school when i had a HUGE speech to do and that was the deadline to do it. I was already stressed enough as it was. Of course what happens? I get a flat when i was about halfway to school. Perfect. So I pull in the gas station to replace the tire and get going to school. And then of course the bolts are stripped and only one of the bolts were ok so i couldn't get the nuts on except for one which is NOT ok to drive on. So i call my dad to pick up some new nuts cause i thought it was maybe the nuts that were stripped. It was only when he got there to help me out that we found out it was the bolts. so after forcing on the nuts which is not really good to do but it was either that or have it towed. So i missed my speech but thankfully my teacher called me during class and after being all funny and making the class laugh about it, believe me when i wasn't on the phone i was letting out strings of words that would even make eminem flinch. Yeah not so happy.
Afterwards i was kinda disappointed in my lack of poise. After a while i calmed down sure but i wished i had some poise and stayed chill about the whole situation. Not get so frustrated i sounded like i was in the movie Casino (for those of you who don't know they have 400 odd F words haha). One of the big things i've been working on in the last year or so was my tendency to get frustrated pretty easily. Yeah i definitely failed here.
I guess you learn from it right? I mean it all worked out, i get a chance to still give my speech and definitely pass and my car is alright save for some major shock problems. I shoulda stayed calm. Life goes on
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
AND
In relation to the blog before this one, a couple years ago I decided to get closer with my family out west. I lived in arizona for a couple months but it wasn't working out for me there personally but I am so glad I became close with my family there plus some new friends! Though the ones in arizona aren't my first cousins...or even second cousins for that matter hah...I still love them. And I talk a lot more with my actually first cousins and I'm way too excited to see them this summer for the first time since I was a baby, except for the one who came to my house to visit in 7th grade. And another one of my cousins is serving in Iraq and I'm proud to call him my cousin. So plain and simple I love my family. I can't wait to see what happens in the coming years. And i'm still working on the ones back bast :) (this is for you Kristie!)
So to Kassandra, Michaela, Alexus, Dar, Chris, Andrea (you're part of the family when you are married to Chris!), Heather, Jennifer, Nico, Jessica, Sheri, Jonathan, Ginger, Travis, Vickie i love you all.
So to Kassandra, Michaela, Alexus, Dar, Chris, Andrea (you're part of the family when you are married to Chris!), Heather, Jennifer, Nico, Jessica, Sheri, Jonathan, Ginger, Travis, Vickie i love you all.
Reconnected
So here's a slight summary, if you wanna hear more ask me.
Growing up, especially when I hit middle school, I was...embarrassed by my hearing problem. I hated it, I didn't like myself for it. It was stupid. I've always felt awkward since I'm in between deaf and hearing (technical term is hard of hearing i think) and I couldn't totally relate to either side. but after going to a mainstream school (since people didn't see the point of me going to a deaf school) since 4th grade naturally I tried relating to the hearing people more. And eventually I basically severed all ties with deaf people. It wasn't so much as avoiding them as it was simply just not keeping in contact with them anymore (though I was only close with 2 of them since i left the deaf school). Then a couple years ago on myspace and facebook I reconnected with those two friends but left it at that. A couple other deaf kids added me too but I didn't know them from school but they knew the two guys I knew and i never really talked much with them.
Then this past year I finally accepted who I am, I didn't hate myself so much anymore (big props to God for that one), and I've been so much happier now for it. Then early in the summer I decided to look for my old friends on facebook (myspace sucks haha). I remembered everyone's first name but not their last...so it was pretty hard haha. Over the summer I saw sean for the first time since 3rd grade when he was with my lifelong friend keith. So he added me of course. But i couldn't find anyone else which sucked. I looked for about 3 or 4 other friends I had at that school. No luck.
But in 2 days i have found 4 of them! Yeah I'm pretty stoked :) two of them I knew pretty well and one of those two was one of my closest friends when I was little. And I'm very excited to be friends again and hopefully get to know each other again.
And I'm even more excited to get back to learning sign language, I lost a lot of it but I'm confident it'll come back. Especially since apparently a lot of my friends are learning it too! haha
Growing up, especially when I hit middle school, I was...embarrassed by my hearing problem. I hated it, I didn't like myself for it. It was stupid. I've always felt awkward since I'm in between deaf and hearing (technical term is hard of hearing i think) and I couldn't totally relate to either side. but after going to a mainstream school (since people didn't see the point of me going to a deaf school) since 4th grade naturally I tried relating to the hearing people more. And eventually I basically severed all ties with deaf people. It wasn't so much as avoiding them as it was simply just not keeping in contact with them anymore (though I was only close with 2 of them since i left the deaf school). Then a couple years ago on myspace and facebook I reconnected with those two friends but left it at that. A couple other deaf kids added me too but I didn't know them from school but they knew the two guys I knew and i never really talked much with them.
Then this past year I finally accepted who I am, I didn't hate myself so much anymore (big props to God for that one), and I've been so much happier now for it. Then early in the summer I decided to look for my old friends on facebook (myspace sucks haha). I remembered everyone's first name but not their last...so it was pretty hard haha. Over the summer I saw sean for the first time since 3rd grade when he was with my lifelong friend keith. So he added me of course. But i couldn't find anyone else which sucked. I looked for about 3 or 4 other friends I had at that school. No luck.
But in 2 days i have found 4 of them! Yeah I'm pretty stoked :) two of them I knew pretty well and one of those two was one of my closest friends when I was little. And I'm very excited to be friends again and hopefully get to know each other again.
And I'm even more excited to get back to learning sign language, I lost a lot of it but I'm confident it'll come back. Especially since apparently a lot of my friends are learning it too! haha
People are crazy
Ok let's get the record straight, i do not "love" my job at walmart, and I simply look at it as a stepping stone in my life, not a career area for me. However, since they pay me I will work hard to earn what they pay me. And since I'm stuck there from 20-40 hours a week it obviously affects my life.
First off, I wish people would think...when you get food from frozen sections and decide you don't want it anymore, put it back...because when you drop it off anywhere else, we have to throw it away, and that's a waste of money. And since we have to throw it away over time we have to raise prices to make up for loss. Consider we find maybe 5 frozen stuff a night in random places, plus 7 days a week, and then eventually 365 days a year, that's a ton of stuff thrown away. That adds up, I want cheap food like anyone else but wasting food isn't helping any.
Also it really really really really peeves me when people think they can just put stuff wherever they want to. we have to fix it, it's a waste of our time, and waste of our time is waste of money for Walmart (again look at above about waste of money). It's really honestly not that hard to put stuff back where it goes, and if you REALLLLLY don't wanna go ALLLLL the way back to where it goes...just bring it up to the cashier and say you don't want it...since you're gonna be at the register anyways.
My biggest peeve is the tons of stolen stuff (you'd be surprised how much air fresheners get stolen) I find taken out of the boxes/packages. This goes back to the frozen food...we have to make up for loss of profit by raising prices which we have to over time...if there were absolutely no theft the prices would be so much more cheaper, trust me it makes a difference. I want cheap stuff just like anyone else...stealing isn't helping. It's just going to make stuff more expensive, and then the more expensive it is then the more people will steal so it's a horrible cycle. I mean come'on just shell out the 2 dollars it is for the dumb make up or 4 dollars for the medicine and air fresheners.
Again...walmart is a stepping stone in my life...but doesn't mean it doesn't annoy the crap out of me when people do stuff like this. Especially stealing...it makes no sense. This is my walmart rant...good thing I waited a few days to type this up or it would have been much more angrier haha.
First off, I wish people would think...when you get food from frozen sections and decide you don't want it anymore, put it back...because when you drop it off anywhere else, we have to throw it away, and that's a waste of money. And since we have to throw it away over time we have to raise prices to make up for loss. Consider we find maybe 5 frozen stuff a night in random places, plus 7 days a week, and then eventually 365 days a year, that's a ton of stuff thrown away. That adds up, I want cheap food like anyone else but wasting food isn't helping any.
Also it really really really really peeves me when people think they can just put stuff wherever they want to. we have to fix it, it's a waste of our time, and waste of our time is waste of money for Walmart (again look at above about waste of money). It's really honestly not that hard to put stuff back where it goes, and if you REALLLLLY don't wanna go ALLLLL the way back to where it goes...just bring it up to the cashier and say you don't want it...since you're gonna be at the register anyways.
My biggest peeve is the tons of stolen stuff (you'd be surprised how much air fresheners get stolen) I find taken out of the boxes/packages. This goes back to the frozen food...we have to make up for loss of profit by raising prices which we have to over time...if there were absolutely no theft the prices would be so much more cheaper, trust me it makes a difference. I want cheap stuff just like anyone else...stealing isn't helping. It's just going to make stuff more expensive, and then the more expensive it is then the more people will steal so it's a horrible cycle. I mean come'on just shell out the 2 dollars it is for the dumb make up or 4 dollars for the medicine and air fresheners.
Again...walmart is a stepping stone in my life...but doesn't mean it doesn't annoy the crap out of me when people do stuff like this. Especially stealing...it makes no sense. This is my walmart rant...good thing I waited a few days to type this up or it would have been much more angrier haha.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
songs
you will not read :) I've written a few in the past few weeks but at least one of them will NEVER see the light of day and just thought I'd let ya know :)
Abenezer!
So I've written before about how i decided to take up a challenge and sponsor a kid who lives in Ethiopia despite the fear of financial burden or if I could make a difference in his family's life. After getting the brochure and official "he is yours to help" papers, i wrote my first letter to Abenezer, it was a while ago. So I can't quite remember what I wrote about, but I remember it was basically about how excited I was to get to know him and hopefully help his family and him grow in Christ.
After the entire month of October passed, I heard nothing about him. No "he got your letter" or "he's doing great" or even a letter back from him himself. I got pretty sad, not gonna lie, I thought man, am I not gonna get to know this kid? I even checked my bank account to see if they've even taken the money I agreed to pay per month and they had. But...keep in mind I'm pretty impatient a lot of times and it's not my best virtue.
I got a letter from Abenezer a few days ago after a long night at work which had been stressful and seeing that I had finally gotten a letter had brighten my morning so much more. The letter is pretty simple, favorite color-red (just like me!) favorite sport-football (or soccer as we call it hah) etc etc. And he asked me what is the local church i worship in and to pray for his success at school and for his family (and you're welcome to help me pray for him :)) and the amazing thing here is he wrote he wants to be a medical doctor. That's pretty awesome in my opinion. I just hope I can do whatever I can to help him reach that goal!
All in all I'm pretty stoked i finally heard from him and writing him back. I hope and pray that God uses me to keep supporting him and help him in his relationship with Christ as well as he helping me in my relationship with Christ. And hopefully one day I'll get to meet him.
After the entire month of October passed, I heard nothing about him. No "he got your letter" or "he's doing great" or even a letter back from him himself. I got pretty sad, not gonna lie, I thought man, am I not gonna get to know this kid? I even checked my bank account to see if they've even taken the money I agreed to pay per month and they had. But...keep in mind I'm pretty impatient a lot of times and it's not my best virtue.
I got a letter from Abenezer a few days ago after a long night at work which had been stressful and seeing that I had finally gotten a letter had brighten my morning so much more. The letter is pretty simple, favorite color-red (just like me!) favorite sport-football (or soccer as we call it hah) etc etc. And he asked me what is the local church i worship in and to pray for his success at school and for his family (and you're welcome to help me pray for him :)) and the amazing thing here is he wrote he wants to be a medical doctor. That's pretty awesome in my opinion. I just hope I can do whatever I can to help him reach that goal!
All in all I'm pretty stoked i finally heard from him and writing him back. I hope and pray that God uses me to keep supporting him and help him in his relationship with Christ as well as he helping me in my relationship with Christ. And hopefully one day I'll get to meet him.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Title
So...nobody is probably gonna read this, but I'm just getting so sick of everything right now. I mean, a lot of times I just wish Jesus would come already and get me and everyone out of here, it'd be a ton easier than having to go through all these tough times. I mean..wouldn't it? Is it really worth it to go through all the "good times of laughter and bad times of sorrow" and that crap? I wish someone could give me a straight true answer (older people respond here please). I get let down so many times in so many ways and I seem to get opposition in so many different ways.
There have been several people who have told me and implied a lot in many ways that I'm gonna fail, that I won't make it in the real world (apparently cause i don't like doing homework...anyone else like doing homework??). For a lot of my life I believed that even though I was determined to prove everyone wrong. They've also said that I won't be able to make it in firefighting...thanks! What sucks is there have been certain others who have said similar, mostly cause of my "hearing problem". At least my firefighting teacher says otherwise...or so he says.
Sometimes I just feel like I should settle for average, live paycheck to paycheck, forget school, I'll just be stuck at walmart for the rest of my life...man that scares the crap out of me. though I'm still determined to prove people wrong (insert Michael Jordan HOF speech here), it's not fun or easy.
I feel like I can be a really crappy friend to the few friends I do have, and it sucks, and I feel like I ruin things with the people that i could have been friends with. I've always been very honestly straightforward with the close friends I have, and they hate that about me, and I hate it about me too. But at the same time, I wish they would do the same for me, or at least act like they care, cause honestly it seems like my coworkers at walmart sometimes seem like they care more about what's going on if I'm having a tough time.
All i said at work tonight was "man i'm having a crappy night...thus all the sugar food" and immediately my coworker Drew asked me what was up and let me talk and then him and several other coworkers made me feel better for the night...it's a rare occasion when a friend outside of work does that for me save for maybe one or two friend. It just seems like I have some friends...but they don't seem interested. I don't know...I mean, am I wrong here?
I'm tired of being let down, I'm tired of trying to plan or work out my future. I'm tired of looking, I'm tired of being ignored, I mean, no one even reads this to see how the hell I'm feeling. Honestly the only reason I have this whole thing is cause i need something to vent or write my thoughts on, I only wish i could say smart or quippy things and be really funny like other people.
I hate saying me or I, but don't I deserve someone to listen to how I'm feeling and actually care if I'm having a really tough day? It doesn't take much to cheer most people up and I'm one of them (seriously...all it took was some SEVENGLORY, coworkers, and a bible verse to cheer me up nice and happy for the night). I thank God every chance i get for my mom cause she listens and tells it to me straight even if I'm wrong she will tell me. Like I said, i feel like a selfish idiot jerk for merely saying can't someone care about how I feel here? I want a friend who will be totally honest with me when I'm having problems and tell me as it is and as they see it without pussyfooting around it, or worse, letting it out on me when I do something to piss them off.
Maybe...i just need to rely on God more, I wish i could be totally crush-free (like I said...tired of being let down and all that jazz), that I could be worry-free (will I get a real job someday or own a house and have kids will I be able to provide for them), that I could just completely trust in His plan for my life, that I would know in my heart He's going to take care of me. Sure...I'd like to go ahead and be a firefighter with a wife and house at this moment, but I need to trust that He will take care of me no matter what happens. I might never get married, which is scary for me to think (this is a huge fear of mine...no doubt). I might not be a firefighter, which would SUCK but not a huge fear of mine, or I might even die on the job, which strangely isn't a fear of mine either, maybe cause I know where I'm going.
I had a fight with my best friend last night, honestly I don't blame him, it was another moment of me being very very honest and straightforward telling it how I saw it, it's a flaw of mine i know. I feel like I ruin things with people by trying to be who I am, that I drive the girls I have crushes on away by being a retard (don't ever say that it'd be interesting and/or funny to see someone get a seizure while watching fireworks...that does no good and does NOT seem funny to the girl...heck I don't even think it's funny..). Honestly the whole "I'd rather be hated for who I am rather than loved for who I am not" thing seems like crap sometimes. But I fight it and I continue to be who I am even when others don't like it.
I wish I could get all the answers right now, see what happens in the future and find out if all of this will be worth it in the end, but I'm forced to trust in God, and honestly, that's alright, I may not be the perfect Christian or perfectly like Christ, but I'm trying, I'm working at it, I'm putting it all in God's hands, I'm working at fully trusting God and that He will take care of me and bring me happiness, whether that be in the near future (which of course will ALWAYS be times of ups and downs happiness and sorrow etc etc) or not until I die and I'm sitting next to Christ listening to Him tell stories and words of wisdom.
Oh and that verse that helped me feel a lot better at work? 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 "We are hard-pressed, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body"
There have been several people who have told me and implied a lot in many ways that I'm gonna fail, that I won't make it in the real world (apparently cause i don't like doing homework...anyone else like doing homework??). For a lot of my life I believed that even though I was determined to prove everyone wrong. They've also said that I won't be able to make it in firefighting...thanks! What sucks is there have been certain others who have said similar, mostly cause of my "hearing problem". At least my firefighting teacher says otherwise...or so he says.
Sometimes I just feel like I should settle for average, live paycheck to paycheck, forget school, I'll just be stuck at walmart for the rest of my life...man that scares the crap out of me. though I'm still determined to prove people wrong (insert Michael Jordan HOF speech here), it's not fun or easy.
I feel like I can be a really crappy friend to the few friends I do have, and it sucks, and I feel like I ruin things with the people that i could have been friends with. I've always been very honestly straightforward with the close friends I have, and they hate that about me, and I hate it about me too. But at the same time, I wish they would do the same for me, or at least act like they care, cause honestly it seems like my coworkers at walmart sometimes seem like they care more about what's going on if I'm having a tough time.
All i said at work tonight was "man i'm having a crappy night...thus all the sugar food" and immediately my coworker Drew asked me what was up and let me talk and then him and several other coworkers made me feel better for the night...it's a rare occasion when a friend outside of work does that for me save for maybe one or two friend. It just seems like I have some friends...but they don't seem interested. I don't know...I mean, am I wrong here?
I'm tired of being let down, I'm tired of trying to plan or work out my future. I'm tired of looking, I'm tired of being ignored, I mean, no one even reads this to see how the hell I'm feeling. Honestly the only reason I have this whole thing is cause i need something to vent or write my thoughts on, I only wish i could say smart or quippy things and be really funny like other people.
I hate saying me or I, but don't I deserve someone to listen to how I'm feeling and actually care if I'm having a really tough day? It doesn't take much to cheer most people up and I'm one of them (seriously...all it took was some SEVENGLORY, coworkers, and a bible verse to cheer me up nice and happy for the night). I thank God every chance i get for my mom cause she listens and tells it to me straight even if I'm wrong she will tell me. Like I said, i feel like a selfish idiot jerk for merely saying can't someone care about how I feel here? I want a friend who will be totally honest with me when I'm having problems and tell me as it is and as they see it without pussyfooting around it, or worse, letting it out on me when I do something to piss them off.
Maybe...i just need to rely on God more, I wish i could be totally crush-free (like I said...tired of being let down and all that jazz), that I could be worry-free (will I get a real job someday or own a house and have kids will I be able to provide for them), that I could just completely trust in His plan for my life, that I would know in my heart He's going to take care of me. Sure...I'd like to go ahead and be a firefighter with a wife and house at this moment, but I need to trust that He will take care of me no matter what happens. I might never get married, which is scary for me to think (this is a huge fear of mine...no doubt). I might not be a firefighter, which would SUCK but not a huge fear of mine, or I might even die on the job, which strangely isn't a fear of mine either, maybe cause I know where I'm going.
I had a fight with my best friend last night, honestly I don't blame him, it was another moment of me being very very honest and straightforward telling it how I saw it, it's a flaw of mine i know. I feel like I ruin things with people by trying to be who I am, that I drive the girls I have crushes on away by being a retard (don't ever say that it'd be interesting and/or funny to see someone get a seizure while watching fireworks...that does no good and does NOT seem funny to the girl...heck I don't even think it's funny..). Honestly the whole "I'd rather be hated for who I am rather than loved for who I am not" thing seems like crap sometimes. But I fight it and I continue to be who I am even when others don't like it.
I wish I could get all the answers right now, see what happens in the future and find out if all of this will be worth it in the end, but I'm forced to trust in God, and honestly, that's alright, I may not be the perfect Christian or perfectly like Christ, but I'm trying, I'm working at it, I'm putting it all in God's hands, I'm working at fully trusting God and that He will take care of me and bring me happiness, whether that be in the near future (which of course will ALWAYS be times of ups and downs happiness and sorrow etc etc) or not until I die and I'm sitting next to Christ listening to Him tell stories and words of wisdom.
Oh and that verse that helped me feel a lot better at work? 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 "We are hard-pressed, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body"
Monday, September 6, 2010
It's that time of the year again
The windows are open
Car windows only halfway down
Hoodies are part of our attire
Busting out the comforter
Showers grow warmer and colder to step out of
And opening the bathroom door is even colder
Smell of trees and their leaves
Pumpkin lattes, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin everything
Sadly the allergies come with stuffed noses
But the sierra mist cranberry splash makes its way onto shelves!!
Halloween decorations appear on lawns
And sometimes Christmas decor too!
This is my cheesy fall poem
I hoped you liked it haha
Car windows only halfway down
Hoodies are part of our attire
Busting out the comforter
Showers grow warmer and colder to step out of
And opening the bathroom door is even colder
Smell of trees and their leaves
Pumpkin lattes, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin everything
Sadly the allergies come with stuffed noses
But the sierra mist cranberry splash makes its way onto shelves!!
Halloween decorations appear on lawns
And sometimes Christmas decor too!
This is my cheesy fall poem
I hoped you liked it haha
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
my classes
So I'm back at dreaded CLC, however, this time I actually have a goal in mind! I decided back in November that I want to pursue firefighting/EMT. But before I start the fun classes I still have a few classes i need to get out of the way, those classes include communications, political science and local government, computers class, and a science or math elective. I'm waiting til next semester to do the science class, but the other three is going on right now.
First class is communications, which i am dreading because I HATE talking in front of people, heck I almost hate writing a blog (but I feel it's a good outlet/outreach). The good thing is my teacher will be easy and she's very funny...but that's about it. I don't know a single person except for a friend's ex boyfriend who I never talk to and the class is a decent size which means more people to talk in front of and embarrass myself in front of. And the best part of the class, I will be filmed and recorded which means I will get to experience the joy of watching my red as blood face in front of the class. But I do feel maybe this class is yet another way to share my faith. I pray that I'll be able to touch at least one persons heart in the class. But still...I'm not exactly looking forward to this class.
Second class up is intro to computers. Why this class is required for fire science I will never know, I mean you can't exactly save a person from a burning building by using microsoft words...can you? Unless they figured out how to stop a fire by using powerpoint. Anyways, the teacher seems like it's gonna be a tough one. Not fun. But at least the assignments are all on the computer which I'm pretty decent at, and I have lots of computer nerd friends so let's see how this one pans out.
And finally is American and local governments. I was five minutes late because it took forever to get there from the library (not gonna lie...I was on the computer distracted by news in the sports world...and facebook) and the teacher points me out as I walk in and tells me class starts at 11. That was fun. And I actually mean that, is that weird? Anyways, this guy has a deep Indian/middle east accent, I wonder if this counts as ironic, a teacher teaching American politics when he's from a different country that has a completely different government. Maybe that's how much he idolized America growing up. This also reminds me of 8th grade when my English teacher most definitely did not speak English as a first language (I feel bad for what I put that woman through). From what I hear about this guy, show up and take the notes and you're golden. So let's hope he doesn't continue to hate me this semester.
Update!: Turns out...the govt class I walked into was the WRONG ONE! Yeah that was fun! So I showed up for that class an hour late with a teacher mad at me for no reason...how did I find out it was the wrong class? I waited on Wednesday for that class at 11, actually got there 10 minutes early so I could show him up, and 30 minutes later no student walked in or out and there were still students in the classroom. So I went home thinking ok this teacher is retarded. Then I started thinking about it and decided to look online to see what room my class is in, well I got the room right...just not the time. It starts at 11:30, how dumb am I. And the best part about it is, I could have looked on the curriculum for that class and saw that the time for the class was 10-11:15...that was nice.
First class is communications, which i am dreading because I HATE talking in front of people, heck I almost hate writing a blog (but I feel it's a good outlet/outreach). The good thing is my teacher will be easy and she's very funny...but that's about it. I don't know a single person except for a friend's ex boyfriend who I never talk to and the class is a decent size which means more people to talk in front of and embarrass myself in front of. And the best part of the class, I will be filmed and recorded which means I will get to experience the joy of watching my red as blood face in front of the class. But I do feel maybe this class is yet another way to share my faith. I pray that I'll be able to touch at least one persons heart in the class. But still...I'm not exactly looking forward to this class.
Second class up is intro to computers. Why this class is required for fire science I will never know, I mean you can't exactly save a person from a burning building by using microsoft words...can you? Unless they figured out how to stop a fire by using powerpoint. Anyways, the teacher seems like it's gonna be a tough one. Not fun. But at least the assignments are all on the computer which I'm pretty decent at, and I have lots of computer nerd friends so let's see how this one pans out.
And finally is American and local governments. I was five minutes late because it took forever to get there from the library (not gonna lie...I was on the computer distracted by news in the sports world...and facebook) and the teacher points me out as I walk in and tells me class starts at 11. That was fun. And I actually mean that, is that weird? Anyways, this guy has a deep Indian/middle east accent, I wonder if this counts as ironic, a teacher teaching American politics when he's from a different country that has a completely different government. Maybe that's how much he idolized America growing up. This also reminds me of 8th grade when my English teacher most definitely did not speak English as a first language (I feel bad for what I put that woman through). From what I hear about this guy, show up and take the notes and you're golden. So let's hope he doesn't continue to hate me this semester.
Update!: Turns out...the govt class I walked into was the WRONG ONE! Yeah that was fun! So I showed up for that class an hour late with a teacher mad at me for no reason...how did I find out it was the wrong class? I waited on Wednesday for that class at 11, actually got there 10 minutes early so I could show him up, and 30 minutes later no student walked in or out and there were still students in the classroom. So I went home thinking ok this teacher is retarded. Then I started thinking about it and decided to look online to see what room my class is in, well I got the room right...just not the time. It starts at 11:30, how dumb am I. And the best part about it is, I could have looked on the curriculum for that class and saw that the time for the class was 10-11:15...that was nice.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
So
So I was gonna write a 3 or 4 paragraph long thing about this, but I didn't wanna be taken out of context or sound like I'm self righteous or anything...so I'm just gonna really simply say this, why is it so hard sometimes to surround myself with a group of christian friends...I'm getting kind of tired of being forgotten or put on the back burner...we're supposed to be a family and help each other out
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Proactive
So i've been reading this book called Forgotten God by francis chan and it's about remembering how important the Holy Spirit is and how we have to rely on Him to work in our lives. We have to trust that the Holy Spirit will work through us to do great things.
And one of the big challenges in this is taking risks or doing things that you have to absolutely trust in God for. And i thought long and hard for a long time about if there is anything i've ever done where i had to completely trust in God, and there wasn't much that came to mind. Needless to say it made me sad.
I want to do things so i can trust Him better. Trust Him completely. so i've been brainstorming something i can do that wouldn't be easy whether it's not easy for me financially, time wise, or whatever, i wanted to do something that would challenge me.
I come home a lot during my lunch hour and so on my way home for food i thought "know what, i'm gonna sponser a kid". 5 minutes after i get home i now sponsor a kid name Abenezer Daniel from ethiopia. The website said that he has been on the waiting list for over six months and i just felt like he needed someone, he's only 6.
I don't know why this would be considered a challenge to me but i'm glad i did this. I just pray that i can make a difference in him and his family's lives and vice versa. I'm excited to see how this all pans out and hopefully maybe i can even visit someday...
This is only one thing i can do out of so many and i don't plan on stopping anytime soon. I hope all of you guys can also do something like this, whether it's sponsor a kid or help out at soup kitchen or whatever, i just hope you guys will let the Holy Spirit lead you to be proactive.
Aaaaaaaand any prayer would be nice!
And one of the big challenges in this is taking risks or doing things that you have to absolutely trust in God for. And i thought long and hard for a long time about if there is anything i've ever done where i had to completely trust in God, and there wasn't much that came to mind. Needless to say it made me sad.
I want to do things so i can trust Him better. Trust Him completely. so i've been brainstorming something i can do that wouldn't be easy whether it's not easy for me financially, time wise, or whatever, i wanted to do something that would challenge me.
I come home a lot during my lunch hour and so on my way home for food i thought "know what, i'm gonna sponser a kid". 5 minutes after i get home i now sponsor a kid name Abenezer Daniel from ethiopia. The website said that he has been on the waiting list for over six months and i just felt like he needed someone, he's only 6.
I don't know why this would be considered a challenge to me but i'm glad i did this. I just pray that i can make a difference in him and his family's lives and vice versa. I'm excited to see how this all pans out and hopefully maybe i can even visit someday...
This is only one thing i can do out of so many and i don't plan on stopping anytime soon. I hope all of you guys can also do something like this, whether it's sponsor a kid or help out at soup kitchen or whatever, i just hope you guys will let the Holy Spirit lead you to be proactive.
Aaaaaaaand any prayer would be nice!
Monday, July 26, 2010
all out
This is a writing i wrote a couple weeks ago. It started out as a prayer so i guess it's a prayer/personal psalm. I think i already mentioned that a couple weeks ago was a rough spot cause of some personal issues i had to deal with at home and basically this writing is how i'm desperate for more of God in my life and his guidance even when i have a hard time "feeling" Him or understanding His grace. I don't think i'm quite done writing this one though so it'll probably be added onto a bit..
God
bring me closer to You
let me feel Your presence always
let me understand just how amazing
Your grace is
I already know the costs of my sins
and the shame that comes with it
but let me always be in awe
of Your salvation for us
show me Your love
show me Your blessings
so i can even get a glimpse of Your glory
let me understand why they call You savior
show me why You are called shepherd
my God i'd die for You
whether You would acknowledge me or not
because You and only You deserve that glory
when i proclaim your grace
let Your Spirit fill me with the words to say
fill me with Your love
make me illuminate in the darkness
light up the paths of sorrow
to lead to everlasting life with You
Lord i give You praise forever
God
bring me closer to You
let me feel Your presence always
let me understand just how amazing
Your grace is
I already know the costs of my sins
and the shame that comes with it
but let me always be in awe
of Your salvation for us
show me Your love
show me Your blessings
so i can even get a glimpse of Your glory
let me understand why they call You savior
show me why You are called shepherd
my God i'd die for You
whether You would acknowledge me or not
because You and only You deserve that glory
when i proclaim your grace
let Your Spirit fill me with the words to say
fill me with Your love
make me illuminate in the darkness
light up the paths of sorrow
to lead to everlasting life with You
Lord i give You praise forever
Monday, July 19, 2010
first lyrics
i had a hard time picking a good first one to put up...ultimately i decided on this one cause...i have no idea haha. i think it's one of the better ones i've written, i'm not a great writer but it's nice getting stuff out...
My soul longs for you
I will glorify
my flesh is dead to me
and now I'm alive
I was lost in this sickness
that was killing me recklessly and mercilessly
the knowledge that brought me sorrow
knowing that we're nothing
but a breath of wind passing by
now I have purpose
something worth living for
all eyes upon you
I will worship you
all these bricks and frames
will fall and burn
and every second of the day
goes wasted somewhere
so what's the point
but to spend it all on something
something worth dying for
every second I live
I will glorify you
everything I do is for no one
but you
i wrote this i think right before i left for arizona, at the time i was anxious to leave and just escape from everything, i'm glad i went to arizona and got to see family for once but i think i did it for the wrong reasons. i thought going there would be a new start and a way to "live life right" and i blamed this place on my shortcomings. now i look back and realize that it doesn't matter where i live, i should be on fire for God anyways. location does not matter, that's a big i learned soon after i got home and things have happened that changed a lot of things in my life, and ever since then i've been burning brighter than i ever have, though the last week and a half have been really tough cause of personal issues and whatnot i'm still going stronger than ever and there's still tons of rooms for me to better that's for sure..
My soul longs for you
I will glorify
my flesh is dead to me
and now I'm alive
I was lost in this sickness
that was killing me recklessly and mercilessly
the knowledge that brought me sorrow
knowing that we're nothing
but a breath of wind passing by
now I have purpose
something worth living for
all eyes upon you
I will worship you
all these bricks and frames
will fall and burn
and every second of the day
goes wasted somewhere
so what's the point
but to spend it all on something
something worth dying for
every second I live
I will glorify you
everything I do is for no one
but you
i wrote this i think right before i left for arizona, at the time i was anxious to leave and just escape from everything, i'm glad i went to arizona and got to see family for once but i think i did it for the wrong reasons. i thought going there would be a new start and a way to "live life right" and i blamed this place on my shortcomings. now i look back and realize that it doesn't matter where i live, i should be on fire for God anyways. location does not matter, that's a big i learned soon after i got home and things have happened that changed a lot of things in my life, and ever since then i've been burning brighter than i ever have, though the last week and a half have been really tough cause of personal issues and whatnot i'm still going stronger than ever and there's still tons of rooms for me to better that's for sure..
Sunday, July 18, 2010
first entry...
I used to hold back a lot on who I am and just play quiet and not really let people really get to know me outside of generals about me. Most of the stuff i write about on here will more than likely be stuff about my faith and what's going on in life and how I'm dealing with it. I used to talk a lot of politics but don't count on me writing about it at all. Oh and I tend to say a ton of stupid things...and I mean stupid lol i should do stand up with all the dumb things I say. A lot has happened since I got home from Arizona that made me start trying harder to live on fire for God, and I can say that I've been better than ever but there is definitely room for improvement. I used to write a lot of songs about life and how it ties into faith/religion and the things I struggled with so it will help me kind of get it out instead of being this secretive person. I hope people actually read this once in a blue moon so we'll see haha. I'm gonna mostly post older stuff I wrote and kind of reflect on it I guess. I haven't written much in the last few months but I'm kind of trying to start again, I don't plan on doing music or anything but it's a nice way to get thoughts out I guess. Let me know what you think!
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