So i got a flat tire yesterday on the way to school when i had a HUGE speech to do and that was the deadline to do it. I was already stressed enough as it was. Of course what happens? I get a flat when i was about halfway to school. Perfect. So I pull in the gas station to replace the tire and get going to school. And then of course the bolts are stripped and only one of the bolts were ok so i couldn't get the nuts on except for one which is NOT ok to drive on. So i call my dad to pick up some new nuts cause i thought it was maybe the nuts that were stripped. It was only when he got there to help me out that we found out it was the bolts. so after forcing on the nuts which is not really good to do but it was either that or have it towed. So i missed my speech but thankfully my teacher called me during class and after being all funny and making the class laugh about it, believe me when i wasn't on the phone i was letting out strings of words that would even make eminem flinch. Yeah not so happy.
Afterwards i was kinda disappointed in my lack of poise. After a while i calmed down sure but i wished i had some poise and stayed chill about the whole situation. Not get so frustrated i sounded like i was in the movie Casino (for those of you who don't know they have 400 odd F words haha). One of the big things i've been working on in the last year or so was my tendency to get frustrated pretty easily. Yeah i definitely failed here.
I guess you learn from it right? I mean it all worked out, i get a chance to still give my speech and definitely pass and my car is alright save for some major shock problems. I shoulda stayed calm. Life goes on
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
AND
In relation to the blog before this one, a couple years ago I decided to get closer with my family out west. I lived in arizona for a couple months but it wasn't working out for me there personally but I am so glad I became close with my family there plus some new friends! Though the ones in arizona aren't my first cousins...or even second cousins for that matter hah...I still love them. And I talk a lot more with my actually first cousins and I'm way too excited to see them this summer for the first time since I was a baby, except for the one who came to my house to visit in 7th grade. And another one of my cousins is serving in Iraq and I'm proud to call him my cousin. So plain and simple I love my family. I can't wait to see what happens in the coming years. And i'm still working on the ones back bast :) (this is for you Kristie!)
So to Kassandra, Michaela, Alexus, Dar, Chris, Andrea (you're part of the family when you are married to Chris!), Heather, Jennifer, Nico, Jessica, Sheri, Jonathan, Ginger, Travis, Vickie i love you all.
So to Kassandra, Michaela, Alexus, Dar, Chris, Andrea (you're part of the family when you are married to Chris!), Heather, Jennifer, Nico, Jessica, Sheri, Jonathan, Ginger, Travis, Vickie i love you all.
Reconnected
So here's a slight summary, if you wanna hear more ask me.
Growing up, especially when I hit middle school, I was...embarrassed by my hearing problem. I hated it, I didn't like myself for it. It was stupid. I've always felt awkward since I'm in between deaf and hearing (technical term is hard of hearing i think) and I couldn't totally relate to either side. but after going to a mainstream school (since people didn't see the point of me going to a deaf school) since 4th grade naturally I tried relating to the hearing people more. And eventually I basically severed all ties with deaf people. It wasn't so much as avoiding them as it was simply just not keeping in contact with them anymore (though I was only close with 2 of them since i left the deaf school). Then a couple years ago on myspace and facebook I reconnected with those two friends but left it at that. A couple other deaf kids added me too but I didn't know them from school but they knew the two guys I knew and i never really talked much with them.
Then this past year I finally accepted who I am, I didn't hate myself so much anymore (big props to God for that one), and I've been so much happier now for it. Then early in the summer I decided to look for my old friends on facebook (myspace sucks haha). I remembered everyone's first name but not their last...so it was pretty hard haha. Over the summer I saw sean for the first time since 3rd grade when he was with my lifelong friend keith. So he added me of course. But i couldn't find anyone else which sucked. I looked for about 3 or 4 other friends I had at that school. No luck.
But in 2 days i have found 4 of them! Yeah I'm pretty stoked :) two of them I knew pretty well and one of those two was one of my closest friends when I was little. And I'm very excited to be friends again and hopefully get to know each other again.
And I'm even more excited to get back to learning sign language, I lost a lot of it but I'm confident it'll come back. Especially since apparently a lot of my friends are learning it too! haha
Growing up, especially when I hit middle school, I was...embarrassed by my hearing problem. I hated it, I didn't like myself for it. It was stupid. I've always felt awkward since I'm in between deaf and hearing (technical term is hard of hearing i think) and I couldn't totally relate to either side. but after going to a mainstream school (since people didn't see the point of me going to a deaf school) since 4th grade naturally I tried relating to the hearing people more. And eventually I basically severed all ties with deaf people. It wasn't so much as avoiding them as it was simply just not keeping in contact with them anymore (though I was only close with 2 of them since i left the deaf school). Then a couple years ago on myspace and facebook I reconnected with those two friends but left it at that. A couple other deaf kids added me too but I didn't know them from school but they knew the two guys I knew and i never really talked much with them.
Then this past year I finally accepted who I am, I didn't hate myself so much anymore (big props to God for that one), and I've been so much happier now for it. Then early in the summer I decided to look for my old friends on facebook (myspace sucks haha). I remembered everyone's first name but not their last...so it was pretty hard haha. Over the summer I saw sean for the first time since 3rd grade when he was with my lifelong friend keith. So he added me of course. But i couldn't find anyone else which sucked. I looked for about 3 or 4 other friends I had at that school. No luck.
But in 2 days i have found 4 of them! Yeah I'm pretty stoked :) two of them I knew pretty well and one of those two was one of my closest friends when I was little. And I'm very excited to be friends again and hopefully get to know each other again.
And I'm even more excited to get back to learning sign language, I lost a lot of it but I'm confident it'll come back. Especially since apparently a lot of my friends are learning it too! haha
People are crazy
Ok let's get the record straight, i do not "love" my job at walmart, and I simply look at it as a stepping stone in my life, not a career area for me. However, since they pay me I will work hard to earn what they pay me. And since I'm stuck there from 20-40 hours a week it obviously affects my life.
First off, I wish people would think...when you get food from frozen sections and decide you don't want it anymore, put it back...because when you drop it off anywhere else, we have to throw it away, and that's a waste of money. And since we have to throw it away over time we have to raise prices to make up for loss. Consider we find maybe 5 frozen stuff a night in random places, plus 7 days a week, and then eventually 365 days a year, that's a ton of stuff thrown away. That adds up, I want cheap food like anyone else but wasting food isn't helping any.
Also it really really really really peeves me when people think they can just put stuff wherever they want to. we have to fix it, it's a waste of our time, and waste of our time is waste of money for Walmart (again look at above about waste of money). It's really honestly not that hard to put stuff back where it goes, and if you REALLLLLY don't wanna go ALLLLL the way back to where it goes...just bring it up to the cashier and say you don't want it...since you're gonna be at the register anyways.
My biggest peeve is the tons of stolen stuff (you'd be surprised how much air fresheners get stolen) I find taken out of the boxes/packages. This goes back to the frozen food...we have to make up for loss of profit by raising prices which we have to over time...if there were absolutely no theft the prices would be so much more cheaper, trust me it makes a difference. I want cheap stuff just like anyone else...stealing isn't helping. It's just going to make stuff more expensive, and then the more expensive it is then the more people will steal so it's a horrible cycle. I mean come'on just shell out the 2 dollars it is for the dumb make up or 4 dollars for the medicine and air fresheners.
Again...walmart is a stepping stone in my life...but doesn't mean it doesn't annoy the crap out of me when people do stuff like this. Especially stealing...it makes no sense. This is my walmart rant...good thing I waited a few days to type this up or it would have been much more angrier haha.
First off, I wish people would think...when you get food from frozen sections and decide you don't want it anymore, put it back...because when you drop it off anywhere else, we have to throw it away, and that's a waste of money. And since we have to throw it away over time we have to raise prices to make up for loss. Consider we find maybe 5 frozen stuff a night in random places, plus 7 days a week, and then eventually 365 days a year, that's a ton of stuff thrown away. That adds up, I want cheap food like anyone else but wasting food isn't helping any.
Also it really really really really peeves me when people think they can just put stuff wherever they want to. we have to fix it, it's a waste of our time, and waste of our time is waste of money for Walmart (again look at above about waste of money). It's really honestly not that hard to put stuff back where it goes, and if you REALLLLLY don't wanna go ALLLLL the way back to where it goes...just bring it up to the cashier and say you don't want it...since you're gonna be at the register anyways.
My biggest peeve is the tons of stolen stuff (you'd be surprised how much air fresheners get stolen) I find taken out of the boxes/packages. This goes back to the frozen food...we have to make up for loss of profit by raising prices which we have to over time...if there were absolutely no theft the prices would be so much more cheaper, trust me it makes a difference. I want cheap stuff just like anyone else...stealing isn't helping. It's just going to make stuff more expensive, and then the more expensive it is then the more people will steal so it's a horrible cycle. I mean come'on just shell out the 2 dollars it is for the dumb make up or 4 dollars for the medicine and air fresheners.
Again...walmart is a stepping stone in my life...but doesn't mean it doesn't annoy the crap out of me when people do stuff like this. Especially stealing...it makes no sense. This is my walmart rant...good thing I waited a few days to type this up or it would have been much more angrier haha.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
songs
you will not read :) I've written a few in the past few weeks but at least one of them will NEVER see the light of day and just thought I'd let ya know :)
Abenezer!
So I've written before about how i decided to take up a challenge and sponsor a kid who lives in Ethiopia despite the fear of financial burden or if I could make a difference in his family's life. After getting the brochure and official "he is yours to help" papers, i wrote my first letter to Abenezer, it was a while ago. So I can't quite remember what I wrote about, but I remember it was basically about how excited I was to get to know him and hopefully help his family and him grow in Christ.
After the entire month of October passed, I heard nothing about him. No "he got your letter" or "he's doing great" or even a letter back from him himself. I got pretty sad, not gonna lie, I thought man, am I not gonna get to know this kid? I even checked my bank account to see if they've even taken the money I agreed to pay per month and they had. But...keep in mind I'm pretty impatient a lot of times and it's not my best virtue.
I got a letter from Abenezer a few days ago after a long night at work which had been stressful and seeing that I had finally gotten a letter had brighten my morning so much more. The letter is pretty simple, favorite color-red (just like me!) favorite sport-football (or soccer as we call it hah) etc etc. And he asked me what is the local church i worship in and to pray for his success at school and for his family (and you're welcome to help me pray for him :)) and the amazing thing here is he wrote he wants to be a medical doctor. That's pretty awesome in my opinion. I just hope I can do whatever I can to help him reach that goal!
All in all I'm pretty stoked i finally heard from him and writing him back. I hope and pray that God uses me to keep supporting him and help him in his relationship with Christ as well as he helping me in my relationship with Christ. And hopefully one day I'll get to meet him.
After the entire month of October passed, I heard nothing about him. No "he got your letter" or "he's doing great" or even a letter back from him himself. I got pretty sad, not gonna lie, I thought man, am I not gonna get to know this kid? I even checked my bank account to see if they've even taken the money I agreed to pay per month and they had. But...keep in mind I'm pretty impatient a lot of times and it's not my best virtue.
I got a letter from Abenezer a few days ago after a long night at work which had been stressful and seeing that I had finally gotten a letter had brighten my morning so much more. The letter is pretty simple, favorite color-red (just like me!) favorite sport-football (or soccer as we call it hah) etc etc. And he asked me what is the local church i worship in and to pray for his success at school and for his family (and you're welcome to help me pray for him :)) and the amazing thing here is he wrote he wants to be a medical doctor. That's pretty awesome in my opinion. I just hope I can do whatever I can to help him reach that goal!
All in all I'm pretty stoked i finally heard from him and writing him back. I hope and pray that God uses me to keep supporting him and help him in his relationship with Christ as well as he helping me in my relationship with Christ. And hopefully one day I'll get to meet him.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Title
So...nobody is probably gonna read this, but I'm just getting so sick of everything right now. I mean, a lot of times I just wish Jesus would come already and get me and everyone out of here, it'd be a ton easier than having to go through all these tough times. I mean..wouldn't it? Is it really worth it to go through all the "good times of laughter and bad times of sorrow" and that crap? I wish someone could give me a straight true answer (older people respond here please). I get let down so many times in so many ways and I seem to get opposition in so many different ways.
There have been several people who have told me and implied a lot in many ways that I'm gonna fail, that I won't make it in the real world (apparently cause i don't like doing homework...anyone else like doing homework??). For a lot of my life I believed that even though I was determined to prove everyone wrong. They've also said that I won't be able to make it in firefighting...thanks! What sucks is there have been certain others who have said similar, mostly cause of my "hearing problem". At least my firefighting teacher says otherwise...or so he says.
Sometimes I just feel like I should settle for average, live paycheck to paycheck, forget school, I'll just be stuck at walmart for the rest of my life...man that scares the crap out of me. though I'm still determined to prove people wrong (insert Michael Jordan HOF speech here), it's not fun or easy.
I feel like I can be a really crappy friend to the few friends I do have, and it sucks, and I feel like I ruin things with the people that i could have been friends with. I've always been very honestly straightforward with the close friends I have, and they hate that about me, and I hate it about me too. But at the same time, I wish they would do the same for me, or at least act like they care, cause honestly it seems like my coworkers at walmart sometimes seem like they care more about what's going on if I'm having a tough time.
All i said at work tonight was "man i'm having a crappy night...thus all the sugar food" and immediately my coworker Drew asked me what was up and let me talk and then him and several other coworkers made me feel better for the night...it's a rare occasion when a friend outside of work does that for me save for maybe one or two friend. It just seems like I have some friends...but they don't seem interested. I don't know...I mean, am I wrong here?
I'm tired of being let down, I'm tired of trying to plan or work out my future. I'm tired of looking, I'm tired of being ignored, I mean, no one even reads this to see how the hell I'm feeling. Honestly the only reason I have this whole thing is cause i need something to vent or write my thoughts on, I only wish i could say smart or quippy things and be really funny like other people.
I hate saying me or I, but don't I deserve someone to listen to how I'm feeling and actually care if I'm having a really tough day? It doesn't take much to cheer most people up and I'm one of them (seriously...all it took was some SEVENGLORY, coworkers, and a bible verse to cheer me up nice and happy for the night). I thank God every chance i get for my mom cause she listens and tells it to me straight even if I'm wrong she will tell me. Like I said, i feel like a selfish idiot jerk for merely saying can't someone care about how I feel here? I want a friend who will be totally honest with me when I'm having problems and tell me as it is and as they see it without pussyfooting around it, or worse, letting it out on me when I do something to piss them off.
Maybe...i just need to rely on God more, I wish i could be totally crush-free (like I said...tired of being let down and all that jazz), that I could be worry-free (will I get a real job someday or own a house and have kids will I be able to provide for them), that I could just completely trust in His plan for my life, that I would know in my heart He's going to take care of me. Sure...I'd like to go ahead and be a firefighter with a wife and house at this moment, but I need to trust that He will take care of me no matter what happens. I might never get married, which is scary for me to think (this is a huge fear of mine...no doubt). I might not be a firefighter, which would SUCK but not a huge fear of mine, or I might even die on the job, which strangely isn't a fear of mine either, maybe cause I know where I'm going.
I had a fight with my best friend last night, honestly I don't blame him, it was another moment of me being very very honest and straightforward telling it how I saw it, it's a flaw of mine i know. I feel like I ruin things with people by trying to be who I am, that I drive the girls I have crushes on away by being a retard (don't ever say that it'd be interesting and/or funny to see someone get a seizure while watching fireworks...that does no good and does NOT seem funny to the girl...heck I don't even think it's funny..). Honestly the whole "I'd rather be hated for who I am rather than loved for who I am not" thing seems like crap sometimes. But I fight it and I continue to be who I am even when others don't like it.
I wish I could get all the answers right now, see what happens in the future and find out if all of this will be worth it in the end, but I'm forced to trust in God, and honestly, that's alright, I may not be the perfect Christian or perfectly like Christ, but I'm trying, I'm working at it, I'm putting it all in God's hands, I'm working at fully trusting God and that He will take care of me and bring me happiness, whether that be in the near future (which of course will ALWAYS be times of ups and downs happiness and sorrow etc etc) or not until I die and I'm sitting next to Christ listening to Him tell stories and words of wisdom.
Oh and that verse that helped me feel a lot better at work? 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 "We are hard-pressed, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body"
There have been several people who have told me and implied a lot in many ways that I'm gonna fail, that I won't make it in the real world (apparently cause i don't like doing homework...anyone else like doing homework??). For a lot of my life I believed that even though I was determined to prove everyone wrong. They've also said that I won't be able to make it in firefighting...thanks! What sucks is there have been certain others who have said similar, mostly cause of my "hearing problem". At least my firefighting teacher says otherwise...or so he says.
Sometimes I just feel like I should settle for average, live paycheck to paycheck, forget school, I'll just be stuck at walmart for the rest of my life...man that scares the crap out of me. though I'm still determined to prove people wrong (insert Michael Jordan HOF speech here), it's not fun or easy.
I feel like I can be a really crappy friend to the few friends I do have, and it sucks, and I feel like I ruin things with the people that i could have been friends with. I've always been very honestly straightforward with the close friends I have, and they hate that about me, and I hate it about me too. But at the same time, I wish they would do the same for me, or at least act like they care, cause honestly it seems like my coworkers at walmart sometimes seem like they care more about what's going on if I'm having a tough time.
All i said at work tonight was "man i'm having a crappy night...thus all the sugar food" and immediately my coworker Drew asked me what was up and let me talk and then him and several other coworkers made me feel better for the night...it's a rare occasion when a friend outside of work does that for me save for maybe one or two friend. It just seems like I have some friends...but they don't seem interested. I don't know...I mean, am I wrong here?
I'm tired of being let down, I'm tired of trying to plan or work out my future. I'm tired of looking, I'm tired of being ignored, I mean, no one even reads this to see how the hell I'm feeling. Honestly the only reason I have this whole thing is cause i need something to vent or write my thoughts on, I only wish i could say smart or quippy things and be really funny like other people.
I hate saying me or I, but don't I deserve someone to listen to how I'm feeling and actually care if I'm having a really tough day? It doesn't take much to cheer most people up and I'm one of them (seriously...all it took was some SEVENGLORY, coworkers, and a bible verse to cheer me up nice and happy for the night). I thank God every chance i get for my mom cause she listens and tells it to me straight even if I'm wrong she will tell me. Like I said, i feel like a selfish idiot jerk for merely saying can't someone care about how I feel here? I want a friend who will be totally honest with me when I'm having problems and tell me as it is and as they see it without pussyfooting around it, or worse, letting it out on me when I do something to piss them off.
Maybe...i just need to rely on God more, I wish i could be totally crush-free (like I said...tired of being let down and all that jazz), that I could be worry-free (will I get a real job someday or own a house and have kids will I be able to provide for them), that I could just completely trust in His plan for my life, that I would know in my heart He's going to take care of me. Sure...I'd like to go ahead and be a firefighter with a wife and house at this moment, but I need to trust that He will take care of me no matter what happens. I might never get married, which is scary for me to think (this is a huge fear of mine...no doubt). I might not be a firefighter, which would SUCK but not a huge fear of mine, or I might even die on the job, which strangely isn't a fear of mine either, maybe cause I know where I'm going.
I had a fight with my best friend last night, honestly I don't blame him, it was another moment of me being very very honest and straightforward telling it how I saw it, it's a flaw of mine i know. I feel like I ruin things with people by trying to be who I am, that I drive the girls I have crushes on away by being a retard (don't ever say that it'd be interesting and/or funny to see someone get a seizure while watching fireworks...that does no good and does NOT seem funny to the girl...heck I don't even think it's funny..). Honestly the whole "I'd rather be hated for who I am rather than loved for who I am not" thing seems like crap sometimes. But I fight it and I continue to be who I am even when others don't like it.
I wish I could get all the answers right now, see what happens in the future and find out if all of this will be worth it in the end, but I'm forced to trust in God, and honestly, that's alright, I may not be the perfect Christian or perfectly like Christ, but I'm trying, I'm working at it, I'm putting it all in God's hands, I'm working at fully trusting God and that He will take care of me and bring me happiness, whether that be in the near future (which of course will ALWAYS be times of ups and downs happiness and sorrow etc etc) or not until I die and I'm sitting next to Christ listening to Him tell stories and words of wisdom.
Oh and that verse that helped me feel a lot better at work? 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 "We are hard-pressed, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body"
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