Talking about the bible and verses, giving support, doing "good things", going to church, I've been pretty good at in the last few years, prayer? Not so much. When I first became a Christian I prayed every night before going to bed. Now? not so much. When I do pray, it's usually in a random place like when I'm at work or driving to somewhere. And even when I do that...it's not as often as it should be. I always feel horrible for this, like, I'm a bad Christian for not praying nearly as much as I should be. Being completely honest...I probably pray....three or four times a week, and half of that is in church. That's not close to talking to God enough for me.
I've always had a hard time with praying because I can't physically hear Him and listen to advice He can give me right here and now. And if the bible is His word, why bother praying if He says it right there and isn't going to say anything that I'll literally be able to hear. Like I said I don't really get that "feeling" that many people feel all the time, sometimes, but not always. For a dumb reason this discourages me from praying more and more. Just how much would I love to be able to hear him say to me "it's going to be ok, I'm right here". I get tired of reading it sometimes, and I want to hear it.
I was talking to my mom about how singing could possibly be like praying recently, and I told her when I pray I don't feel that "Holy Spirit flowing through me" feeling and that's part of what hinders me from praying. But when I do "feel" it is when I'm singing worship and praising God. And it brought up a question for me, is it possible to pray in singing and praising God? I think it might be a form of praying, when I sing to God that He is mighty to save and that I'm broken and in need of His grace, is that a way of me praying to Him to save me cause I'm filthy and broken?
Maybe it is. But I still feel like it's not enough to just do that, I need to talk to Him, tell him whatever hell I may be going through and how I can't do it without Him taking care of me. And at the same time tell Him how happy I am he's blessed me with the many things I have been blessed with. Tell him how I'm so grateful to have a savior like Jesus to save me. More importantly, say in my own words just how much I love that He is in my life and isn't going to leave my side.
These next five months for me are going to be super super tough. I'm taking a paramedic class which is pretty pricey and my family do not have much money. I'm not going to be able to go out to eat, go to the pub with friends, buy myself any music, go to the coffeeshop, basically anything that costs money for the next 4 or 5 months. It's going to be tough since I'm a very social person and I like getting out and doing stuff.
What I've really learned in the last week is just how much I'm really going to have to rely on God to get me through this and trust that He has a plan and will take care of me one way or another. But most importantly, that I'm really going to have to pray and talk to Him more. Is it going to be the hardest time that anyone has ever had or that I will probably ever have? Probably not, but this ranks up there. But I'm trusting in God and that I feel that He will provide and that the fellowship I've grown into will help me stay strong and sane. I'm excited at the same time to see how He uses me in these next few months of giving me more responsibility with this paramedics class and a fellowship that I'm now more involved in.
Am I the "best" at praying? I highly doubt it. But it's something I'm really going to be relying on (and already relying on right now) for these next few months and for the rest of my life. It's going to be a very tough few months, but I'm also very excited to see what happens and how things will develop. All I ask for now is prayer support. And anything anyone wants me to pray for them, I will gladly do it, I'd love to spend more time talking to God about everything. So while I do ask for prayer, I also ask that you also give me prayer requests and anything I could help out with.
Hey, so a few things. But first, again, I love your honesty. Being open and raw and honest with God is the first place to start and you've got that down. As far as learning to pray, or pray better, maybe check out Wrestling Prayer, by Eric Ludy (I have it, if you want me to send it to you..I'd gladly do that!). It just talks about praying more effectively and expecting real results.
ReplyDeleteI know for me, prayer isn't just a set aside time in the day..it's a continual flowing of God through me. It's my thoughts fixed on Him and consulting Him on everything that I do. Yes, the prayer times are important, so I'd recommend maybe starting with 5 minutes, or even 3. Maybe stop and listen to God, rather than talking. Prayer is as much talking to God, as listening to Him and hearing what He has to say. I know what you mean about not being able to hear Him, but it's the whispers, the convictions that you feel that is His voice. The more in tune with Him that you are, the clearer His voice will be.
You're a strong guy, Caleb, and with the financial issues, give it to God. I've been there and am still there, but learning to sacrifice and suffer leads us to love. And love is what we're after :)
Hey man I'm at the same spot with this. It's something I'm been wrestling and trying to work out for myself lately too. I feel the same about listening to God voice, I feel like when I stop talking, the only thing that happens is that my imagination starts going crazy, so I don't know how to hear God's voice among all that chaos.
ReplyDeleteBut I'll definitely be praying for you with this, and I know I could really use some too. maybe we could take on this journey together, praying for each other and just talking to each other about things that God has revealed to us. I know I'm super far away, but we could still find time to talk...Thank God for technology. Love you bro!
I agree, I think praying isn't confined to bedtime or when you get up in the morning, it's any time during the day. Which is why when I do pray it's usually at a random place. But i see what you're saying, i'll try to do the 3-5 minutes a day thing (it's hard with my hyperactivity to stay still lol). And thanks that means a lot. and I'm learning to trust Him more right now. And I'd love to borrow that book. you can just give it to me whenever you're home next. don't waste money sending it in the mail.
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ReplyDeleteThat's exactly how i feel, I think WAY WAY too much and i can never really seem to quite hear what He's saying to me. And it frustrates me, but I'm willing to try harder. And thanks for the prayers bro, i'll be praying for you too. I'd love to hit you up sometime on skype or whatever and just see how things are going! I'd love to talk to you. and technology is amazing indeed, do great out there and i love ya too brah.
Caleb i hear you man. I have a very hard time praying myself not only do to the fact the i don't hear God but also my short attention span kills it. I'll start praying for one thing and end up just thinking about something completely different in a matter of seconds. my word of advice on that one is keep a note book by you and when you start to go off track or think about something else write it down and focus back on time with God. One thing i have learned is that i usually ask God to help quiet my mind and focus on him. God wants to hear from us on every aspect of our lives big and small and how is he going to hear us if we dont talk? I have to remember a relationship is a two way street He cant just keep talking and me not talk or make a move back.
ReplyDeleteYep, i do that, one thought to another and on and on. it's tough, i think that's definitely a big part on why, i probably should have mentioned that in this blog. It sucks. I'll try that notebook thing by me, i got one for that purpose but forgot about it. And that's what i've learned this year, is that i should be able to tell God everything i tell my parents good and bad, angry or happy. agreed man. thanks for the advice, i'm gonna take that to heart too.
ReplyDeletedude. i feel for you. prayer is a huge deal, but not the easiest thing in the world... i would say keep workin' at it. Yeah, worship music can totally be sung prayers, if you treat it as you baring yourself before God. It takes discipline to start any habit, but prayer is rewarding. God will give you peace. It's not like praying at specific times is the only way to do it, but it gives a certain rhythm to your day and your relationship. Try for it, but don't get hung up on it. I'll be praying for you. I'm sure God will bless you and your pursuits with class and the hospital and money and stuff. It's crazy to think that things won't work out unless God steps in and acts, and yet... it's the best. for real tho... i'll be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks man, i'll be working on it. And we will see what God has in store for all of us. Much love.
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