Recently I had been discussing how my
dad is a truck driver with a friend and I brought myself in the
conversation of being a truck driver but I couldn't due to my
hearing. My friend brought up that he thought it was for the better
that I could not be a truck driver because I'm too much of a thinker,
and therein lies one of my downfalls. Now I'm far from the smartest
person, but I spend too much time thinking and worrying and
pondering, but not enough time just accepting things. In other words,
I over think everything and it affects me too much from time to time.
For a long time I wouldn't call myself
a Christian because I could not comprehend how a God who cares, could
let there be so much suffering. But in reality I was just unhappy
with how my own life had been going and didn't want to believe in a
God who didn't “bless” me. In time I learned to look at things
from a perspective not my own, putting the foot in another shoe so to
speak. After spending a long time with research and trying to
“discover the truth”, I came to the conclusion that there is a
God, but that was the easy part. The hard part was trying to wrap my
mind around the fact that Jesus loves me, having a relationship with
a God who isn't here physically in front of me that I could text or
call anytime, relying on feelings all the time, the fire that one
feels from time to time. The easy part is believing in God, the hard
part is denying yourself and picking up the cross daily as Jesus says
in Luke 9:23
It's hard to write this post as I want
to get several points across without writing 3 or 4 more posts on
something that all relates to each other in a way. I think the
overall point I want to make is how hard it can be to have a
relationship, but also how simple it really is at the same time,
bringing up my own thoughts on the struggles I've faced with that.
But also, I wanted to talk about how important it is to have that
relationship and why we strive, and should always strive, to have
that relationship in the first place, why it's so completely worth
fighting and dying for.
A mindset I've noticed that has become
more popular, which is a contrast from the mindset of many, many
generations before us, is that we are entitled to everything, that we
all deserve to have the best reward. A new generation of feeling like
a man and wife who makes good money and raises a family in a good
neighborhood is better than a person who sacrifices their life to
help poor people and give everything they've got. This is a popular
thought even among Christians. We may not say it out loud but that's
what I see, go to a 4 year school, get a job, and you deserve the
best. But isn't life more than that? Isn't life more than works and
just doing what's expected of you while expecting everything handed
to you in return? It isn't all about waking up, go to work, provide
for your family, sleep, repeat. A popular quote that goes around is,
and I'm probably paraphrasing as there's many versions, “are you
alive or just breathing?”.
I'm as guilty as anyone when it comes
to that mindset, that I expect fair return for my hard work, my
opinion is right and if you don't think so then you're wrong, and
that I'm the one that's alive and the world should revolve around me,
even if I don't say it out loud. I think a lot of people are to be
honest, even if it sounds wrong of me to say. The point I'm trying to
make here, is I've heard many arguments against God that we deserve
to go to Heaven, whether we're sinners or not. It's a very hard truth
to accept that those who do not believe that Jesus died for our sins
and rose again to save us so that we may know God are not going to be
permitted in Heaven. There was a time when that made more sense and
people were so happy to know that we had a savior who died for us,
and now many think it's wrong that we need a savior, as if we were
already good enough to die for, and that good works should be enough
to buy our ticket to Heaven. But who of us would offer shelter to
someone who ridicules us at the same time? Some might act like a
saint and say they would but I think they'd be lying, ironically
however, Jesus calls us to love our enemies and pray for them.
It seems like there's been a sense of
feeling that Christians are mindless sheep and Jesus isn't worth
having a relationship with. To be sure, I struggle with giving myself
to Christ completely and picking up my own cross daily, but being a
mindless sheep is the last thing Jesus calls for us. He embraces our
uniqueness and gave us all different sets of skills that we may
contribute to the world, as Psalm 139:13-14 says, “you created my
inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you
because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are
wonderful, I know that full well”. He blesses those with the
ability to make wonderful music, those with skills of art, those who
have the heart of a servant to help the poor and weary. Those don't
sound like sheep to me, it sounds to me like He intended a world
where everyone, with their own identity as indicated in Isaiah 64:8,
and unique set of skills can come together and live life to its true
fullest as well as worship God in everything. Somewhere along the
lines, being a Christian went from being an amazing blessing to being
a sense burden and punishment.
When I was little, I had quite a phobia
of death, I was literally scared every single night for a long time
that I would sleep and not wake up. What scared me wasn't hell, it
wasn't that there might be nothing after life, but rather I was
scared of Heaven. One time at a youth group when I was in middle
school, one of the leaders said something that really made my already
existing fear of Heaven even worse. He said he believed that when we
go to Heaven, we would “be so amazed by God that we would do
nothing but fall on our knees in awe”, literally saying we would do
nothing for all eternity but stare at God. That's scary to think
about, no? For all eternity...eternity is a long, long, long, long,
time. Then I felt guilty for a long time because what if that's how
Heaven will be? Of course I should feel lucky to look upon God and
nothing else for all eternity. Don't get me wrong, I will be in awe
when I see God, but I don't think that's the idea God had in mind for
us, especially since the bible tells us differently.
I read a book shortly after becoming a
Christian promptly called Heaven
by Randy Alcorn. I thank God for this guy cause I don't think I could
have been more excited for Heaven otherwise. While the way he
describes Heaven in his view is completely refreshing, it's hard to
remember that he got everything from the bible itself, maybe I should
have just read my bible more. If we think about Heaven and the new
earth in it's truest form, the Garden of Eden, I think we can see how
God intends it to be. Jesus describes in John 14:2-3 that “in my
Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so I would have told
you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and
prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me
that you also may be where I am”, and in Matthew that if we follow
Him, we will have treasure in Heaven. When I think of Heaven, I
imagine the streets of gold in the new city as described in
Revelations, with a home I can truly call my own as given to my by
God, I think about endless mountains and forests to explore and
animals I can discover and interact with.
So
where is God in all of that? That's the beauty of it, He is
everywhere. Even here, we are called to glorify God when we eat,
drink, and in everything we do, as mentioned in 1 Corinthians 10:31,
in Heaven we will truly glorify God in everything we do, whether it
is eating, drinking, hiking, cliff diving, being with other people,
singing with other people, swimming, basically everything we already
experience here on earth will be perfect and the way it was intended.
I think when Jesus talks about Heaven and the treasures waiting for
us, He's not talking about gold and silver but rather everything I
mentioned above. When I think of the treasures I want, I don't think
about money, but I think about the freedom to go on adventures and
see sights, but I think another treasure is a perfect relationship
with Jesus. Because honestly, I don't think I have a good
relationship with Him. I don't pray nearly as much as I should,
actually closer to rarely praying. I want a relationship so bad, but
as I talked about earlier, it's hard for me to have a relationship
with Jesus when I can't physically talk or see Him now. It's hard to
believe the unseen and to have faith that I'm saved by grace, like I
said, it's easy to believe in God, but for some it's hard to have a
relationship. Logically and scientifically, I think everything points
to an intelligent designer, the beauty and intricacy of this universe
is so amazing and I see God's fingerprints all over it.
But it sounds way too good to be true right? At least, that's how I
feel all the time, but it's really as simple as that. Every year I
have been able to grow in some ways, and I know that as long as I
pray (which I'm working at getting better at) and work at my
relationship with Jesus, as I would if I were married or with my
friends, His grace will cover me. I want many treasures in Heaven
such as those I mentioned above, but the treasure that I'm seeking
the most is a perfect relationship with Him. To be able to walk with
Jesus, physically and spiritually, in the garden.
